After writing my blog “Are you putting your happiness and freedom in the hands of hope and illusion?” I received emails asking about how I was able to choose myself and stand in my own power while being in a relationship.
Let me share experience, my knowledge and what I keep learning as I evolve and work with my clients.
If you have been following me for a while then you know that we create our own stories and our resistance grows from our programs and beliefs. What I learned is that as we evolve, and let go of what is keeping us small, our experience of life changes.
For me, it translated into releasing my desire to look for someone to fill the void of not feeling special. It took deep inner-work but I did it: I no longer craved “needing to be chosen”. I had chosen ME, which automatically made me THE ONE.
For some people, it might mean letting go of wanting to please or avoid confrontation or even no longer looking to fill an emptiness inside. By releasing what is keeping us small or trapped, we step more and more into who we truly are.
So what does it look like to choose yourself and stand in your power while being in a relationship?
Let’s first look at choosing YOURSELF.
It means that you assess daily if the choices you make are aligned with you. Choosing yourself means honouring what you feel, speaking up when something doesn’t feel right or you don’t agree with something (also known as communicating authentically) and to say no when you do not want to do something without feeling like you have to justify anything.
Choosing yourself also means being intuned with where your soul wants to go and doing what it takes to get there even if you know that some of the choices might cause pain (like leaving a relationship or a job or letting go of an employee that you appreciate a lot, etc…)
Choosing yourself means that even when the choice is hard, you follow your guidance that resides deep inside.
Choosing yourself means that your decisions and choices depend on you and not on what others can give you or what you hope they can give you.
Here’s a real life example:
Not long ago, I was ready for more in my love relationship, but my boyfriend was scared to commit. I knew the connection between us was deep and strong and we really enjoyed spending time together. Choosing me meant to have the difficult conversation of “what’s next for us” despite the possibility of it ending.
I had to choose what was best for me and honour what I was ready to experience in a relationship. If he wasn’t able or willing to share that with me, there was no point of staying there and “hoping” for the best.
Now, let’s see what it looks like to be in control of our power.
To be in control of our power means that we don’t get swayed by what others want or think of us. We don’t get sucked into the tornado of emotions and stories.
We are confident in our beliefs, we are clear about what we want, what we love and who we really are, which allows us to make choices aligned with ourselves and not question it.
If I take my example above with my boyfriend, being in control of my power meant staying true to what I wanted and not falling into the fear of “I don’t want to lose you” mindset. My power came from clearly knowing what I wanted and communicating it authentically regardless of the outcome.
It’s about unapologetically owning who you are and your choices.
Finally, let’s look at the part of the questions that so many of you were looking for guidance on…“while still being in a relationship with someone else”.
I’m going to be raw and honest here…
If you choose YOU and stand in your power, you need someone who is ready to do the same.
If you are already in a relationship and you start choosing YOURSELF and standing in your power, be ready for change in the relationship. You will not tolerate certain things anymore, you will have clear and healthy boundaries, and your partner might rebel against it.
If you’re not in a relationship, chances are you will attract someone who is strong and balanced which will allow you to connect and exchange in a healthy way. And if a potential partner presents themselves and they are not aligned with you, you will have no problem letting them go.
The key in the third element is to not try to control the outcome no matter what. When you are in your power and you choose you the outcome is always in your best interest and for your greater good. You can’t be attached to the outcome.
If I go back to my relationship example, the more I stepped into my power, the more he stepped up and opened up. We take things slowly and communicate openly.
Stepping into your power and choosing yourself means that certain people in your life might leave and circumstances might change, sometimes in a chaotic way and sometimes it happens naturally. Do not resist or cling on.
I believe that relationships are here to make us evolve. I will learn about myself and about human dynamics until the day I die.
Looking for a smoother ride while moving through transformation? Reach out, it is my expertise!
See you on the other side!
PS: We are the only ones in the way of our personal power. 😉