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What darkness will do to you

We all have a human side and our Soul. When our Humanness aligns with our Soul, our True Self emerges. The thing is as humans, only a few of us know how to listen and align with our Souls. We were not taught how to work with our humanness, listen to the guidance in order to align with our Soul. This leaves us feeling empty, lonely and often chasing the wrong things. We don’t realize that we’re operating on patterns that don’t serve us and wounds that hurt us. 

I know too well what it’s like to follow your human desires that are fueled by pain. For two years I got lost in my humanness. Part of me was having the time of my life with the impression I was finally experiencing what I had “missed” in my past. The truth was that I was chasing experiences to fill the emptiness and loneliness I was feeling. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was in pain. I only wanted to feel better and the instant gratification was doing the job…. But it was bringing me deeper into my darkness and further away from my True Self. 

I remember the day I woke up and realized I had a hard time being grateful for something. This was at my lowest point. I am someone who is so optimistic, grateful, joyful. I love life and in that moment, I saw I was lost.  My journey back to wholeness would be a long one… I had steered very far away… 

There’s only one way back to wholeness and it’s through Truth. I had to be completely honest with myself, face my pain, face my shame, make peace with what I had done to myself and accept ALL of who I had become. I couldn’t take the two years of darkness out of my life. They were now part of who I had become. I had the choice of being a victim to them and seeing it as if I had wasted time and screwed up OR I could choose to see them as a huge lesson. A journey into darkness to experience it’s addiction, obsession and craziness and discover the courage, strength and determination I had to get out of it. Obviously, I didn’t do this alone. I was well surrounded by my mentor and a small group of people who supported me and encouraged me. 
 

I had never realized the true power of gratitude. We hear it all the time that a joyful and fulfilled life starts with being grateful for what you have. It’s something I did all my life so I kinda thought it was “normal” to live in this state… until I disconnected and only listened to my humanness. The human side truly doesn’t know much and is often driven by pain, superficial wants and instant gratification. The human takes and expects. The Soul appreciates and is grateful. When you truly understand and integrate that, your life changes.

 I wish you a powerful and magical New Year!

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