Self-love is the biggest lesson I’ve ever had to learn. I am still learning how to live from that perspective and it’s super powerful! I have been consciously making every choice in my life stem from a place of what feels right for my inner self, from a self-love perspective as opposed to trying to fill a void or an emptiness, trying to please in hope to feel loved or be chosen.
It took a while before I clearly understood – and integrated – that my lack of self-love directly created a co-dependent behaviour.
We often don’t realize how we compromise and sacrifice ourselves because we don’t want to cause conflict. We often say yes because we don’t want to disappoint others or because we fear being judged or we want to be “polite”. We don’t realize that these behaviours come from a place of wanting to be special, accepted and loved. Think about it, if you really love yourself, you would not compromise or dishonour yourself to please.
Why do we do that?
Most of us don’t know how to show up for ourselves and learnt that we need someone on the outside to love us and accept us. Looking for love and acceptance on the outside is a codependent behaviour. Depending on how others receive or perceive us in order to feel loved or special is taking you out of your personal power. Being codependent is not exclusively reserved to romantic relationships. We can have codependency issues with our siblings, parents, friends, boss, anyone really!
I learnt, through hitting a thick wall and not having any other choice but to choose myself that if I wanted to keep moving forward and be happy, I had to listen to what my inner being was telling me. I had to listen to that deep cry inside asking me to care for ME and trust that in making that hard choice, I would be ok.
We tend to seek outside of us to quiet that deep cry, but when we attend to it ourselves, we stop the codependent behaviour and we start honouring ourselves. When we choose from a place of what truly feels right, from a place of “knowing” that our action is in alignment with what is best for us, we feel solid and powerful. It’s like having a solid pillar that everything stems from.
One thing to know is that when you’ve lived your life with a codependent behaviour, it feels hard and scary at first to choose YOU – at least it was for me! Think about it, if you don’t have any point of reference, if you never felt the power of being there for yourself with no safety net, it would definitely be scary!
This reminds me of the first time I did trapeze, when it was time to let go of the bar to come back down, even though I had a harness tying me to a rope, someone was securing my descent and there was a net, I couldn’t let go of the bar!!! What was going to happen between the time I let go of the bar and the 30 foot fall to the net?
The answer: EXHILARATION!!!
But I didn’t know that, I didn’t have any point of reference, I had never done it before! Now that I have experienced it, I want more! Same with self-love!
I also discovered that living from a place of self-love and self-honouring allows a very different kind of exchange with others. Without codependency, you always feel loved because you love yourself. The fear of being rejected is not there. The fear of painful ending is gone. You understand and feel that you are powerful and loved and that love is something you are and can exchange, not grab, hope for or hang on to.
When you connect and exchange with someone who matches your energy and doesn’t need anything from you, energetically you are free and independent. This is how I intend on living the rest of my life.
If this way of being is something you want to experience, reach out to me. Helping you step into the powerful Being you are is my expertise! Book your free discovery call here.